Forgotten
by stanafuckingkatic
Summary: Memory is more powerful than you think. First chapter's will always be small, in case there isn't a great response - I'll just delete them.
1. Chapter 1

There is heat and rain- no... blood. And pain, oh so much pain.  
The ground is hard and filled with sharp objects poking and prodding raw flesh.  
Turning and rolling onto her side, the sky took a long time to appear in front of her eyes.  
Everything is a blur, the buildings, vehicles and people.  
Then the darkness swallowed her whole again.

"Katherine? K- Katie darling..."

The voice spoke softly, almost cautious and was sobbing in between and over words. The man's voice sounded so familiar and if she could only just open her eyes... Every part of her body hurt, it was like there were weights on every. single. inch. of her body and she couldn't move one centimeter

"Please wake up, oh God please! Don't... don't take my Katie."

_Maybe if I just make a sound, any sound at all._

As if it wasn't bad enough that everything felt like it was being weighed down, Kate's throat felt like it was on fire and something was clawing at her vocal cords every time she swallowed.

"...Am...I?" It was just under a whisper.

Almost as soon as she had spoke a hand had shot out and taken her hand, which sent shocks of pain right through the bones in her hand and up her arm. Just when she thought the pain had subsided a little, it got worse. After a few shaky and extremely painful deep breaths, Kate opened her eyes, tears sliding down her pale cheeks.

"You're in the hospital, okay? Just try not to move, please." He stroked her hand a few times before moving to the side as a Doctor walked in.  
Picking up her chart and rifling through it, before looking over it and offering her a small smile. "Now, it's okay if things are a little foggy, Katherine. You were in a car accident and have quite a large concussion. So try and take things slow, we are looking after you. A nurse will be in shortly to check-up on you."

Everything was slowly starting to click back into place, Kate wanted to ask them more questions but she was completely wrecked. So, instead of putting herself under more pressure she allowed herself to fall back into a deep sleep.

* * *

A fair few hours later, now numbed from the painkillers that had been administered in her sleep. Kate was now able to sit up slightly, just enough so that she could see what was happening in her own room. Seeing that someone was asleep in the chair beside her bed, she frowned slightly, her teeth gnawing on her bottom lip. Then, curiosity getting the better of her she tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm awake! I'm here. Kate, oh my god you're awake!" He looked up at her, moving to lean onto the side of her bed more. "Your father has just gone to get something to eat, he hasn't left your side since you got here and I didn't know what happened because I was in a meeting and-"

"Give her a break, Castle. The girl just woke up." Lanie laughed, walking into the room and sitting on the other side of her bed. "How are you feeling?" She asked, concern written all over her features.

Kate frowned, everything was still a little groggy and she still couldn't remember everything that happened. Leaning closer towards Lanie, she whispered softly "Why is- is that Richard Castle... here?"

Lanie's features were now identical to her own, opening her mouth she went to speak but closed it once again, thinking. It's probably just the concussion, it had to be that.

"Kate, what year do you think we are in?"

"Think? What do you mean? It's 2008, isn't it? Lanie..."

Castle got off the bed, moving to pace in front of her bed. Shaking his head, he couldn't believe this was happening. But it would only be temporary right? Kate couldn't not remember everything, after all they have been through...could she?

"No sweetie, it's not."


	2. Chapter 2

_Okay so basically, my computer shit itself which made it so much harder to get on the internet - much less do anything related. So, whatever, this is me attempting to make up for lost time._

**_ITALICS IS FLASHBACKS EXCEPT IN DIALOGUE_**

_Next chapter will be uploaded tomorrow because it's 4 am and I owe it to you guys._

* * *

**A few days later.**

Castle was stirring his coffee, swirling the paddle pop stick through it's foamy richness before placing the stick in his mouth to taste the sweet contents. Placing the small object onto the table, next to his coffee, he watched the person in front of him trying to think of a place to start at. He was so lost right now, nothing was fitting together on the contrary - everything was falling apart.

_"Lanie, I just don't understand how she can't remember. Things were going great with us - at least I thought they were. Maybe she doesn't feel the way I though she did and ..._"He was babbling.

"_Whoa writer boy! calm down, you're writing yourself a little story there._" She said, holding her hand in front of her. _"Look, this was before you even knew her. Who she was before her mother's case knocked her sideways. Before she even let you in! She doesn't know who you are except as a world renowned best selling author._" Lanie raised a eyebrow up at him before picking up her sandwich.

A frown immediately encompassing Castle's face as he looked away from Lanie, turning to survey the rest of the hospital cafeteria in an effort to escape from his runaway thoughts. _Lanie must be in denial, she has to be! Why else would she be so calm? Unless she's in shock still... this is a huge ordeal and anybody would be shaken to the core if their best friend had suddenly lost the last four years of their life._

"_Lanie, what if she doesn't get any better?_"

A resounding _SMACK! _was heard throughout the cafeteria, heads turning their way to find the source of the sudden noise. Lanie held her hand up having just smacked Castle straight across the face. Her mouth open - shocked at her own actions, tears streaking make-up down her cheeks.

* * *

They had heavily sedated Kate a few days prior when the doctor's and everyone around her attempted to convince her that it was the year '2013', which in the end turned out not to be the brightest of ideas. She ended up in hysterics, hitting anybody close to her.

_"__**Get off me! Don't touch me! What right do you hav-**__" Kate punched Castle in the stomach and elbowed Esposito in the nose._

_Eventually she was restrained and she broke down in sobs, her father standing in the corner wanting to hold his daughter but scared of how she might react. She was his baby girl, his only child - all that he had left. Why was this happening?_

_A soft, frail-like voice spoke out in the still air. "__**Dad? What is happening? Why am I here?**__" Kate's voice broke, a sob taking over her throat. "__**I am so, sorry.**__" Kate whispered._

Sitting up in her hospital bed, Kate surveyed the room. The drugs she had been sedated with were wearing off, but she was still extremely groggy. Her eyes focused on a shadowy figure near the door, collapsed over both of the visitor chairs.

"_Ca-Can you pass me some water please_?" Kate cleared her throat, taking in a slow breath.

The other person jumped up immediately, picking up the clear plastic cup on her bedside table and bringing it to her lips. Closing her eyes, she took a few sips of the cold liquid and breathed in the warm presence of the person standing beside her bed.

"_Espo, why am I chained to a hospital bed_?" She asked, her voice raising up an octave in surprise.

Her eyes were clearing up by the second, she watched him frown, concern written all over his face. _"You don't remember what happened a few days ago?_" He asked, dragging a chair closer to her bed and watching her closely.

Kate shook her head slowly, opening her mouth to speak but before she could say anything a Doctor walked into her room. His eyes widened in surprise and a small smile appeared on his wide lips.

"_Oh! Miss Beckett, I see you are awake. How are you feeling?_" He asked, walking quicker to the other side of her bed and checking her vitals.  
"_A little tired...really sore and I-_" Her eyes widened as images flickered through her mind.

**Screaming**  
**Blood**  
**Cold metal**  
**Pain**

Flicking her head to her left, Kate pressed a hand to Esposito's cheek, her eyes zooming in on his face. Concern was dripping from every pore in her body.

"_Oh no. I am so, so sorry Javi...shit. Are you okay_?" She breathed, looking at the origin of his injury. His nose looked so painful, she bit her lip in worry. "_I can't believe I did that._"

"_So, you remember the small incident from a few days ago. That is good. At least now we know your brain is attempting to heal itself._" The doctor nodded, writing down in her chart. "_Your vitals also look good, just take it easy and try not to stress or over-think things, okay?_"

Kate watched him leave, making sure to catch a glimpse of his name tag before he left. "_Thank you, Doctor Roberts._"

Esposito was watching Kate still, sitting extremely upright and his posture; rigid, almost stick-like. "_You okay, Espo_?"

Taking in a deep breath, he tried to calm himself down enough to ask her about everything that has been running through his mind for the last four days. He had so many questions, everyone did, but he wanted to treat carefully - he definitely did not want a repeat of what happened last time. Esposito decided to take a chance, maybe this might trigger something. As long as it wasn't her dangerous limbs.

"_Have you looked in a mirror_?"

Kate breathed looked at him with a sparkle in her eye, a laugh escaping her mouth as he asked that question.

"_For a second there I thought you were going to ask me something serious. What are you going on about? I know what I look like._" Her lips raised upwards in an amused smile.

"_But you still believe it's the year 2008, don't you...Kate_?" His voice was quiet, careful.

Confusion flickered behind her eyes, her smile faltering for a moment as she searched his eyes for a joke or some sort of explanation for his dicking around. When all she saw was concern her mouth turned into a hard line and her forehead creased considerably.

"_It is the year 2008, Javi. What game are you playing at?_" Her voice laced with annoyance.

Kate felt a sharp pain in her neck and gasped loudly, raising her hand up to the throbbing source. "_F-fuuck.._" she muttered, closing her eyes and trying to will herself to control her pain.

Esposito jumped up, reaching for the remote that called in the nurses. "_Do you need some pain killers?_" He asked, worry etched all over his features. His thumb stroking the button carefully, he was worried but he knew better than to go against her will.

_"No- No. I need to keep a clear head...I..._" She ran her hand up the back of her neck, feeling a thickness heavy on her shoulders. _"Can you uncuff me so I can take this scarf off, who's idea was it to put one on me anyway? We are in the middle of summer._"

Clearing his throat, Esposito took a tentative step back towards Kate and placed the remote back down. "_You're... uhm... not wearing a..." He coughed, "Not wearing a scarf, Kate._"

Kate frowned, then rolled her eyes. "_Of course I am, why else would I be able to feel-I_" As she ran her fingers through the tufts, her eyes widened and her heart rate accelerated. "_What kind of joke are you all playing at? Did you and Ryan pin a wig to my head or something?_" She huffed, lifting her fingers to run through her unruly locks.

"_Kate, we didn't do anything and neither did Castle._."

"_Of course you guys did! And 'Castle' as in_ _Rick Castle__ the writer? Why would I think he's up to this?_" She sighed, irritation seeping through her words.

"_Because he's been working with us for the past 4 years!_" He yelled at her, his patience weared thin.


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay okay, I know my muse has been a little shit lately. No inspiration at all._

_So, that's what all this crappy nonsense is - crap._

_And yes, before you ask; there will be flashbacks to Kbecks' conversation with Espo and her *realization* of her "memory loss"._

_But shhh... spoilers!_

_Do I need to remind about flashbacks? ITALICS WITH BOLD WRITING PEOPLE. xx_

* * *

2 weeks later

_Everything around her was slow and sluggish, like she wasn't even really there. She felt her mouth moving of its own accord but the words she were saying had no meaning to her - she felt like a voyeur in her own body._

_"__**If I care about you? Castle, you cut a deal for my life like I was some kind of a child. My life, mine...You don't get to decide.**__"_

_Castle stood rooted to the spot, his face flickering from hurt, concerned, to pleading. His eyes watery with tears, trying to keep himself together. _

_"__**You keep going with this, they're gonna decide. They're gonna come for you, Kate.**__"_

Kate woke with a start, her heart pounding. Looking around her apartment she let out a sigh, before sobs wracked her body. These dreams... or memories were toying with her continuously throughout the last week and they were just getting darker and darker. What had happened to her life? When did she lose control over everything she ever knew or had?

During the day she had a nurse come around to check on her, to make sure that her 'recovery' was on track. She was having small successes at recovering her memories, she remembered her apartment and where her favourite coffee shop was. But the bigger, more difficult things were still too much of a strain on her brain.

Looking at the clock on her bedside table, it read: 4.30 am. She knew no matter what she would try from this point forward, she would not be able to go back to sleep. Not that she really wanted to, what with her mind riddled with nightmares whenever she closed her eyes.

After having a steaming long shower, Kate made herself a coffee and sat down on the couch flicking on the television. She would give anything to be doing anything other than this – but she had been forced to restrict any of her 'extra-curricular strenuous activities'. That included running, boxing, kick-boxing, swimming… so anything fun really. After no longer than ten minutes of infomercials, against her own will, she fell into a light slumber. "_**… and I love you, Kate.**_"

This time, when she awoke Kate knew it wasn't a dream, she could _feel _it in her bones. They ached with such heartbreaking passion. A warm tear slid down her soft, cold skin and along her jaw. She leaned over her knees, her elbows immediately finding their place on her thighs and her fingers in her hair. She knew that voice. But it didn't make any sense, she tried to think back to the dream ( or memory ) but her brain was not co-operating. She knew there was only one way to find out the truth, and it was crazy, she knew that but feeling the things she was right now and not know why or how was even more crazy.

* * *

_Just breathe Kate, breathe. You will get through this – you have to._

Knocking on the door, Kate paced back and forth in front of it. Hoping, and pleading that he somehow wasn't able to sleep either. Raising her hand against the door again, fighting the battle on whether to knock again. Just as she was about to walk away- the door swung open and Richard Castle stood before her, a pink robe covering his body and his hair sticking up in all different places.

"_Oh- I…I should have uh, called I guess… I'm…sorry-_" She babbled, backing away from him and shaking his head.

Castle watched her slowly start to walk away and he couldn't believe his eyes, after the way she had reacted that first time and then being told by her father, and even Lanie that he should stay away 'this is family business', he didn't expect to see her for a long time.

_"__**Rick, please. You need to keep your distance.**__" Jim Beckett said firmly, holding a hand out to block the distance between them._

_"__**With all due respect, Jim. You don't know her as well as I do. I know everything that has happened to her – what it's all done to her – everything! I've been here for her since day one. I am not going anywhere.**__"_

_"__**Yes. I know you have. But this is different, she doesn't know who you really are or even what she has become. You will just confuse her and she needs to recover-**__"_

_"__**No but..**__" Rick interrupted._

_"__**Rick. She needs to get better and you getting involved will stop that. Do this for her, please? Do it for my Katie."**__ Jim's eyes were staring into his, tears pricking at the edges._

_"__**Okay.**__"_

Quickly taking a few steps towards her and grabbing her hips without thinking, before she could walk more than two steps away. Jumping, Kate turned around ready to deck him but Rick grabbed her wrist and held it tightly.

"_ I'm sorry, I shouldn't of…I…_" He couldn't think of the right words to say without confusing her, or hurting her.

Kate took a deep breath in, rubbing her wrists when he let go of her hands. She felt a small fluttering in her stomach when she looked up at his rugged attire, messy hair and tired eyes.

"_We need to talk._"


End file.
